I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
