Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
