and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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