Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You are the jesus of drinking
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
