Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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