Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
ugly people sure do ruin things
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
