This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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