Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
