FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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