how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
