can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
These tits shall not be calmed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
