mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
