But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
