She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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