so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
