She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
