He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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