You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
