i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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