Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How external is "for external use only"?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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