i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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