Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Help. Why am I so naked?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
