She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
