I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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