saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I fill condoms, not promises.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
