Your tits are I can't wait for
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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