I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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