You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
