eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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