You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
