If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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