He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
