The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
