i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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