The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
