i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
