I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
