Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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