I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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