After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
