I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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