i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
