Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
even my farts smell like vagina
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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