Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
