you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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