need another drink. this is the easiest way
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
