she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Holy shit dude........stairs
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