My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
