it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
