I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
