I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
