fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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