That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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