Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
